don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
