I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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