seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
