I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had to cum in my sink.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
