so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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