READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
