i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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