There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
