Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
