I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
