why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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