I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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