so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is Oprah even human
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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