Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
