There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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