I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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