I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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