farters have to be the big spoon...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
