apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
