I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
