erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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