you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
