I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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