walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
