connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
