i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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