The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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