I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
