Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
