I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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