I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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