i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
