Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
