awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
