you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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