The best revenge is premature balding
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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