why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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