i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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