I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
