Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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