I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
