Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
