Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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