she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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