Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
