he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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