Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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