just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
