well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
