Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
