no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Randomize
