i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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