Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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