You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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