One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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