Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
