I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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