i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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