do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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