if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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