We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
