I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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