so explain again why im purple
no
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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