she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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