ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
