worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
