I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
