no you cant smoke seaweed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
