I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
