I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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