i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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